MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL318smm, ariel, david, walter
It’s Friday, and your body knows it. And this isn’t just a catchy phrase—it’s a biological, psychological, and emotional reality. After a week of early mornings, endless meetings, and responsibilities that seem to multiply, Friday arrives with its special aura, that feeling that everything feels a little lighter and that the weekend is right around the corner, bringing plans, rest, and, why not, a well-deserved indulgence.
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Yes, my friend, yes, it’s Friday.
MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL319sosuke, smm, david, walter
Finally Friday! That magical day when you can tell the stress of the week to fuck right off. If you've got friends and plans, enjoy every second. And if you're alone with zero plans, no worries at all: Chill out, binge-watch that show you've been meaning to see, order some tasty food, treat yourself, or just disconnect from the world—super necessary these days.
Friday's meant to be enjoyed your own way, and nobody knows better than you how to make it count. Have a great weekend!
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When you finally find your soulmate, but they're from another species.
HOW MUCH TIME DO WE SPEND IN THE BATHROOM?smm, walter, david
Have you ever stopped to think about how much of your life you spend in the bathroom? The number isn’t small. On average, we spend between 30 and 60 minutes a day in there. If you add that up over the years, that means we spend between 2 and 3 years of our lives locked in this small temple of peace and reflection.
But that number can skyrocket if you're the type to bring your phone along or if you’re just looking for a little extra privacy.
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Working those glutes.
EAT, SLEEP, SHOWER AND MASTURBATEoscar, david
Hygiene is essential, just like masturbation, so jerking off in the shower is like taking a nap after lunch—a timeless act of self-care. I’m pretty sure I read this in an ancient Chinese proverb, or at least I like to think so. And honestly, if the Chinese have spent millennia perfecting gunpowder, silk, and philosophy, they probably know a thing or two about life’s simple pleasures. Take their advice.
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Wool dicks. Get yours this winter.
MASTURBATING IS FOR HOTTIES VOL317I hope your week has been at least somewhat entertaining, thanks to ALRNCN. Nothing would make me happier. Well, maybe a few things would—like checking the lottery and finding out I’m a millionaire, or a Dubai sheikh deciding to fund me just for fun, waking up to breakfast in bed prepared by Margot Robbie in lingerie, or Elon Musk randomly wiring me a couple of million just “for the lols.” Or even bumping into Angela White, having her twist her ankle, bringing her home to ice it, and then getting absolutely ravaged by her as a thank-you. That too.
But without a doubt, knowing that ALRNCN is keeping you entertained is also on the list of things that make me happy. I don’t know in what position, but trust me, you’re on there.
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Kanchō (カンチョー)